The Perfect Consequence
by Nesma
Summary: Lily Evans has been raised to be her mother's version of perfection: Marrying the perfect gentleman to have the large house and the wonderful family. Lily's half way there with a steady boyfriend from the muggle world. With the war raging on in the Wizarding world, Lily is straddling the line between her two worlds with only a year to decide where to live. L/J
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The Perfect Consequence

**Author:** Nesma

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Harry Potter – all that should be credited towards J.K. Rowling

**Author's Note:** Well, this is the first time in years that I'm back into the Fanfiction world. This story has actually been sitting on my computer hard-drive for years, and I figured it was time to dust it out and start publishing the chapters.

* * *

Becoming a mother was the most terrifying and exciting moment in Mrs. Evans life. Dedicated to being the best stay at home mother, she strive to mold Petunia and Lily into the best possible children ever. Mrs. Evans drove the pair around to countless practices and rehearsals; all in the hopes that one day they would accomplish one of the many dreams Mrs. Evans had in mind for them.

It was clear at an early age that Petunia required little supervision when it came to appearances and tidiness. Petunia, even as a toddler, liked to have her clothes match and appear like everyone else. She had a knack for organizing items and her room was hardly ever in disarray. Petunia's blond hair matched Mrs. Evans, and she often had Petunia have a matching haircut as herself (cut midway at the neck, blow dry it so that it curled inwards). Together, they were the perfect mother and daughter pairing. As Petunia grew older, it would appear that she was more interested in the classics; Petunia learned to play the piano and liked the classical pieces over rock and roll. Gifted musician, she had little tolerance for sports. Petunia received perfectly acceptable scores in school, getting the occasional high mark when she put in the effort. While Petunia was acceptable in school, her ability to learn new skills (like cooking, knitting, sewing, ect) was extraordinary. It was unbelievable what the girl could do with her two hands.

Lily, on the other hand, was unlike her sister. With her bright red hair, she refused to cut it short like Petunia or her mother (how else would prince charming climb to her bedroom if her hair was so short?). Lily liked to dress herself which was always a disaster; she liked the clothes with lots of colours and patterns. Though, occasionally, she would dress like Petunia to be matching (how she loved her sister). Though, she loved the piano because of her sister. Lily use to spend hours in front of the keyboard in order to master the tricky pieces; sometimes Petunia would sit next to her and help her out. But, Lily's true love lay in school. She adored mathematics and found it more of a game then a struggle. She achieved high marks in school and it was clear she would be going straight through academics.

Mrs. Evans use to dream of the day she would see her daughters play for an audience, an adoring crowd of fans who would gush and cry at her daughter's talent. Or perhaps Petunia would become a world chef, renowned worldwide for her recipes while Lily would teach at a prestigious University. Or Petunia would create her own line of clothing while Lily researched in some fancy lab.

But if none of these plans panned out, Mrs. Evans had the dream that they would become mothers and wives. Mrs. Evans believed that her daughters were perfect candidates to find lovely husbands. Who wouldn't want Petunia? With her classic looks, fashion sense, and 'do-it-yourself-attitude', any husband would be lucky to have her. And Lily? With her brains and wavy red hair, it would be impossible to say no to her. They would have beautiful children and have the perfect family.

Perfection was all that Mrs. Evans wanted for her daughters. It was the only thing that she asked from them and expected to see in them. As if such a trait was responsible for happiness.

* * *

Her parents were always delighted that she was a witch. They loved it that they had a daughter that could do _anything._ Literally, anything she wanted with a swish of her wand. Whether it was stream of brightly red and gold fireworks to a funny jinx that would always make them double over in laughter.

Though, there were times where a sigh of relief seemed to escape their lips when something normal occurred in her life. Like something that they could relate to. Like the day she started dating Steven Fiend, a _muggle _from a prominent family in the neighborhood.

Steven was the perfect gentleman. The first date he had with Lily, he knocked on the door and introduced himself to her parents. Then, on their third or fourth date (Lily could never remember numbers correctly in her head) he brought a bouquet of flowers, not for Lily, but for her mother. You can imagine the amount of points he scored with that simple act.

Steven Fiend, oblivious to the talents that Lily had, thought she was a pretty red head girl who disappeared to boarding school up north every year. Other than that, the only fact he knew was that he was madly in love with her. And he had a sneaking suspicion that Lily returned the feeling.

* * *

While her parents were in love with Steven Fiend, among her friends he was more of an outsider. Though he was friends with some of her friends' boyfriends, he was often seen as a nuisance. He chattered till someone's ears fell off or until someone was able to navigate the conversation in a different direction. He was also pompous and snobbish with people who were not in the same honors courses that Steven was in school. He felt the need to display his wealth and talk about all the talents he possessed.

Of course, these were things that Lily _heard_, not necessarily _believed_. But going up against these established beliefs about Steven made it that much harder for Lily to break the news to her friends. So Lily waited for the most opportune moment to tell them the news and to tell the truths about her late night dates.

That day, was today. The three of them were near the pool side. The sun was beaming down on them as they observed the busy summer life behind their sunglasses.

"_Steven?_"

"Steven _Fiend?!_"

"You can't be serious Lily, I mean… it's Steven!"

Lily rolled her eyes at her friends while she lathered some sunscreen on to her pale freckled skin. "Yes, _Steven_, he asked me out… and I said yes!" She said, with a smile lingering on her lips.

One of the girls, Julie Williams, laughed as stole the bottle of sunscreen from Lily and started to pile some of the lotion on her legs. While Lily's pale complexion required that she applied lotion every hour, Julie was one of those fortunate girls who just tanned. With her long, straight brunette hair and her hazel eyes, Julie was easily a beauty. Though she could steal any boys heart, she was pretty damn loyal to her boyfriend Mark at the moment; a boy who happened to be Steven's best friend.

"Still though, you'd think with all of the perfect boarding school guys up there that you'd find some bloke. But no! You had to come home and steal the _one _and _only_ cute guy from my street!" Julie said in a joking manner as she continued to vigorously spread the lotion on to her legs. Lily just rolled her eyes and sighed as Julie wiggled about on her pool chair. Though she had the beauty, she lacked any sort of grace or coordination; which meant there was always lots of movement and accidents with Julie.

Next to Julie lay Michelle Brawn. Frighteningly skinny with her blue eyes that seemed slightly too large while freckles on created a constellation along her cheek bones. Her wavy blonde hung to her shoulders as she slapped Julie lightly on the leg, her chapped pink lips turned into a slight frown.

"Oy! How do you think Mark would feel if you were calling Steven the 'only cute guy on my street!'" Michelle stated as she retreated to her pool chair, taking the sunscreen bottle with her.

Julie just gave a small little smile as she fidgeted with the bowties on her bikini bottoms with her fingers; her finger nails had flecks of pale blue on them. "Mark doesn't need to know everything. Besides, Mark doesn't live on my street… and I wouldn't dream of going out with Steven, he's so… arrogant. He's nothing compared to Mark." She raised her arms and put her hands behind her head while crisscrossing her leg for the billionth time.

Lily let out a huff of annoyance. Memories of more arrogant boys filled her head,

A boy with a hearty laugh and a deep voice. A boy with a snitch and messy black hair filled her vision. Turning on her stomach with much more vigor then she intended, she snapped at her friends. "Arrogant? You should meet Potter…" She spat out as her friends continue to steal sun lotion.

Julie started pulling at the bun in her hair while Michelle let out a noise of disgust. They had heard about James Potter in great depth. They had heard of his name calling and the bullying of Severus Snape (though they found the pranks that James Potter pulled on Snape hilarious, they would never let Lily know). They had heard far too much of Jams Potter; Lily dating Steven Fiend hinted that the Potter ranting days would be over. Or so they thought.

"Oh no, Lily, I'm sick and tired of hearing Potter stories. I get it, he's a 'bullying toe rag' . But honestly, Steven is a _tad_ bit egocentric. Not as much as this Potter bloke you keep talking about. But whenever Steven is around you…" Julie trailed off as her and Michelle snorted into their hands while Lily looked at them in dismay.

Lily was aware of the reputation that Steven held with her friends here, she never expected it to be such an upward battle. Though she was used to the questioning looks and intrusive questions from strangers and friends regarding her choice of company - Severus had prepared her well for this – she never expected it to be this hard.

"Don't be too harsh on him, besides he's a good catch…" Lily finished off, as she placed her sunglasses on her freckled nose and leaned back on the pool chair. Not wanting to look at the confused glances of her friends or their shrug of shoulders.

"A good catch? Of course he is! He's smart, funny, good looking, and athletic…" Julie said, her voice was a pitch too enthusiastic and she was rushing through the list before Michelle cut her off.

"Eh, he's a little skinny and scrawny – but he is a really good guy. You did good Lily" Michelle teased Lily as she gave her friend a side long glance and a smile before turning onto her stomach. Letting her bleached blonde hair fall over the pool chair, while the remaining strands were left out like a fan.

With the sun shining brightly upon the three sixteen year old the splashing and laughing of the kids surrounding them. Lily couldn't help it but feel perfectly content with her life.

* * *

Though Mr. and Mrs. Evans were head over heels in love with Steven Fiend; Petunia was less than impressed. He showed off far too much for her liking – couldn't he be normal and not bring attention to himself every few minutes? While Petunia was particular about 'being normal', she truly didn't like brag about herself. She could find many adjectives and sentences to boast about Vernon's talents or even about Lily's ambitions. But about herself? She was very humble.

When she graduated with honors from school, she told no one except her parents and her best friend Yvonne, When she obtained a job at the prestigious drilling company in town, people only discovered where she worked from her parents. When she and Vernon started dating, she was discreet about their lives. They indulged in PDA every so often but she didn't like to shove her life down other people's throats like Steven did.

And then, there was that slight disappointment that her baby sister – who could have dated a fabulous young wizard – settled for ordinary. Perhaps this was the biggest reason she was against Steven, Lily could be dating someone who matched her in her magical abilities, hell she could probably learn a thing or two from them! But instead, Lily was settling for a muggle boy who would never understand or appreciate the magic that ran through Lily's veins.

Petunia had a sinking feeling that this relationship would drag Lily from her wizarding life into the muggle world. While she may be jealous of her sister, she would never forgive her for giving up the world.

* * *

On a dull Monday morning when the heat was sneaking into the house through every crack and opening, Petunia was sitting serenely at the small kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea. Her toast was resting in her left hand as her eyes skimmed over the major headlines of the morning, she could feel the beads of sweat fall down the back of her neck. Though the Muggle newspaper was propped up to make it easier to read, her copy of _The Daily Prophet _was discreetly hidden underneath. Lily wasn't aware, and would never know the extent that her sister read the paper. Lily Evans would never know that her sister read _The Daily Prophet _everyday till October 31, 1981.

In the mist of the heat, the toast, and the news, the tattered white phone rang shrilly in the kitchen; disturbing the peace that Petunia was enjoying. Dropping her toast to her plate and abandoning her news, Petunia rushed to the phone and picked up the receiver with an animosity that should truly be reserved towards living beings.

"Hello?" Petunia talked into the phone, leaning up against the kitchen counter, her barefooted foot was propped against the wooden cabinets below.

"Good Morning, this is Steven Fiend calling for Lily, is she home right now?" The arrogant voice flitted through the speakers. Petunia rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth. What an _arse. _Seriously, what did her sister see in this guy?

Not even bothering of giving Steven a reply, she merely placed the phone to her chest as she yelled, "LILY!" at the top of her lungs, pausing momentarily before adding, "ITS STEVEN! PICK UP THE PHONE!" She heard a dropping of a book and padded footsteps form upstairs, bringing the telephone to her ear and waited for the familiar click and the breathy 'Hello' from her sister before slamming the phone down.

* * *

"Lily!" Shrieked Petunia, "Its Steven! Pick up the PHONE!"

Lily hastily dropped the book she was reading and rushed out of her room and grabbed the phone from the hallway, "Hello?" A muffled click was heard as Petunia slammed the phone down. Merlin, her sister had anger problems.

"Lily! Hey! I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time…"

Wondering back in to her room; Lily quickly shoved the _Hogwarts: A History_ under her bed. She even took quick glances around her disorganized room as if Steven could see it through the telephone.

"No! Not at all! I was doing some light reading, what have you been up to?" She asked, as she lowered herself in a cross legged position on her bed.

"Well, then, do you want to meet in the park in fifteen minutes or so? I'd love to spend the day with the prettiest girl in town" He whispered into the phone.

A blush sprung up on Lily's face, grinning into the phone she eagerly agreed to see him in a few minutes. As soon as she hung up, she looked up to see her older sister, Peutina sister leaning against her door frame. She held a smirk on her face and her nose was held up high.

"Does he know you're a freak? Or have you been giving him some love potion?" Peutina said, as she crossed her arms across her bony chest.

Narrowing her eyes at the jealous _freak _at the door way, Lily snapped.

"No. I haven't." Lily angrily brushed past Peutina as she stormed out of her room. But hot on her heels, Peutina followed her out.

"What's wrong? Hit a sore spot? And out of all of the guys… you chose _Steven?_ Couldn't you find one of your own kind? Or do they not want to date you? I think Severus is available…"

Lily turned to face her sister, her hot temper was raising, and she could already feel her face getting flushed. "I'm still a _human_ Petunia. I still can date whoever I want, whenever I want. Besides, why do you care? You're dating Vernon."

Petunia's eyes narrowed as she bit her lip. As if Lily saying Vernon's name was enough to curse him with the oggie boogies.

"You're dating Vernon. You're taken. And so are most of those sad pathetic girls you hang out with. I'm not stealing him from anyone- and why am I even defending myself to you? I have to go, tell Mom and Dad that I'm with Steven." With that, Lily grabbed her tattered purse and rushed out of the house.

The walk to the park didn't take long. And in the hot summer days, Lily didn't mind it too much. It gave her time to calm down before she met up with Steven. She was furious at Petunia, why did she have to say those things? Why did it matter if she liked a muggle? Lots of people in the wizarding world dated muggles, heck, they even married them!

And the Severus comment… it only gnawed at the missing parts of her heart. Many assumed that Severus ended the relationship with Lily the day he called her a 'mudblood' in front of the entire student body.

What many failed to notice was the increase of bickering between them leading up to the disastrous moment. These arguments were not pretty, they dealt with blood status and death eaters. It dealt with dark magic and the ethics of dark magic. There were far more fights about what was to be done after graduation (Severus, censoring his answer while Lily huffed and puffed). Turning over these moments, it was clear that the strings that held the friendship together were breaking. Each fight, Severus took a little bit of her heart that loved him and cherished him. In the end, Lily was left with a heart that had gaping holes from where Severus' relationship used to fill.

Though Lily could stand holding a conversation about the current Severus, it was difficult for her to waltz down memory lane. It was hard to imagine that Severus viewed her as a friend when it was clear that she was now the enemy. And all over something so stupid as blood status.

She quickly sat on one of the many wooden green benches, and put her face in her hands. Rubbing her temples a bit as the hot sun shone down on her, hoping that her _freak_ side wouldn't cause some accident.

_'I'm not doing anything wrong.' _she kept thinking to herself over and over until.

"Lily!"

She looked up to see Steven waving. He had such an enthusiastic wave, like his entire arm was going to fall off. It was cute. His straw blond hair was resting quietly on his head while his brown eyes lit up at the sight of her.

The way he got so excited when he saw her was adorable. The way he flashed that crocked smile with his straight nose. Well, there were a lot of things that Steven did that made Lily happy.

A smile fluttered on her face, as she stood up and wondered over to him. Her arms sneaking around his waist, as his found its way around hers. She was shorter than him, so her head rested comfortably on his chest, the fast rhythm of his pulse calming her down. They stood like that for a minute or so, each enjoying the warmth that comes from another person.

"Shall we get out of here? Take a little walk?" He whispered into her ear, sending chills down her spine.

Biting down her lip, as Lily pulled back to see the suggested grin on his face. With a small laugh and a nod, Lily pulled out of the embrace, and took hold of his hands. Her slender fingers fit perfectly with his calloused ones.

* * *

Mr. Evans liked his schedule. He liked having his breakfast on time with his Earl Grey tea. While he enjoyed the sweet breakfast items from time to time, he was a creature of habit and preferred his eggs and sausages. While Mrs. Evans was flitting about the kitchen, he spotted his youngest daughter darting out, yelling a quick goodbye and then she was out the door.

"Is she with that Steven fellow?" He asked his wife, his eyes following Lily walking down the street.

"She's meeting him for brunch." His wife replied, setting down his plate in front of him. He hardly noticed.

"He should have walked on over and picked her up." He said gruffly, pulling himself in closer to the small kitchen table. Mrs. Evans just chuckled at his answer, smoothing down on the blotchy red apron that clashed horribly with her own thin red hair.

"Oh, I'm sure there will be a lot things that you think Steven should do for Lily. No one is ever good enough for your girls." Mrs. Evans chided him, before sitting across from him at the table.

He snorted before turning away from the window. Yes, no one would be good enough for Lily or Petunia. However, Steven might be good enough for right now, he may be the answer to his prayers.

* * *

Time during the summer turned slowly. A week morphed into a month and a month into two months. The relationship between Lily and Steven was steady and picture perfect for everyone to see.

They never did anything in public except hold hands, they never fought in public, they never had little nicknames that made everyone around them sick, and nor did they scream their love out for each other to everyone they knew.

This isn't to say that things behind doors either were bad. They were two teenagers who had hormones that raged out of control every so often. There had been more than one instance when Steven's hand went up her skirt and Lily's fingers teased the waist line of his pants.

No matter what happened between them, Steven always called her beautiful and always made sure to tell her how special and precious she was in his life.

Every. Single. Time.

Granted, the first few dates like that were cute. Precious even. But after a while the words lost their edges and Lily felt like it was play more than a relationship. And every single time that Lily would hear these words, no spark of happiness went through her, no warming sensations at the bottom of her stomach and no beating heart proceeded. Of course, a smile always lighted her face and a small peck on Steven's lips to show her appreciation towards him.

After all, actions _did_ speak louder than words.

* * *

At around mid-July, on perfectly ordinary Wednesday, Steven Fiend was over at Lily's house for their weekly brunch. They had made a habit about going to each other's houses every Wednesday to make breakfast or brunch. Lily was an avid fan of eggs while Steven would much rather have some sweets, like crepes. In the end, they always made too much that it turned into a brunch. This particular week, it was Lily's turn to host the breakfast/brunch extravaganza.

Lily was at the stove top working on heating the skillet to cook some bacon. Though Lily was wearing one of her cutest sundresses (pale blue), it was covered by the hideousness of the kitchen apron. The apron, as Lily referred to it, was bright red. Splotches of food in the past were splattered on the apron to give it some artistic flair. It didn't matter if the Evans put it in the washing machine a thousand times, a majority of the stains would not come out. So Lily wore the hideous apron to protect her pretty dress. In a hair pulled into a high bun, she would hardly consider herself pretty at the moment. But someone did.

"You're looking rather beautiful today." Steven told her.

Lily whipped around to give him a small smile. He was sitting at the kitchen table with the mixing bowl in his lap. He had spent the past five minutes furiously stirring the ingredients together to make the crepes. He was rather cute with the smudge of flour on his cheek.

"Aren't you full of compliments today?" Lily retorted, facing back to the stove top.

"Just being honest." Steven chirped behind her as Lily rolled her eyes, though a small smile lingered on her face. While Lily was about to place the first batch of bacon onto the skillet, there was a sudden crash from upstairs. The kind of crash that only an _owl _would make when stumbling into a room.

_Oh my god. Is it the Hogwarts Letter?_ Lily thought to herself. She was hoping it was, for then the anxious wait of finding out if she failed her exams would come to an end (though, she wouldn't know if she failed if the letter never arrived…)

"What was that?" Steven asked in a bewildered tone. Lily could hear the mixing bowl being placed on the table as the chair scrapped against the floor for Steven to move.

"Wait!" Lily said, swiftly grabbing his arm and pulling him deeper into the kitchen.

"What? I was just going to check-"

"Let me do that, I have a feeling I know what it is." Lily said hurriedly as she started to untie the apron. Steven just looked at her curiously, as if trying to catch her in a lie.

"You sure? You were just about to start the bacon-" Lily's hands were trembling as she was working at the knot she put on the apron earlier.

"I know but-." Lily growled out, just about ripping off the apron

"I can easily go up while you finish down here." Steven butted in, turning slightly to go on his quest. Fortunately, Lily grabbed his arm again and drew him in.

"Steven! Please! I know what toppled over! Just let me handle it and you can deal with the bacon!" Lily barked out rudely, shoving the apron in his hand before dashing up the stairs two at a time.

If he said something, it was drowned out by Lily's own thoughts about grades, head girl, head boy, courses, grades, Slughorn, Potter, grades…

Opening the door to her room she was pleased to see that her predictions about the owl were spot on. Sitting at her ledge was one of the tawny owls from Hogwarts, a rather large letter attached to its leg.

Gulping, Lily wondered over to the owl and with trembling fingers untied the letter from the leg. As soon as she was able to get the letter off, the owl took off with a hoot.

The letter was heavy. Did they send letters of condolences if someone failed after the 6th year? Merlin, she knew she should have studied harder…

Ripping apart the envelope, she pulled out several pages. Furrowing her eyes, she quickly scanned the letter. Her fear evaporated on the spot and a large smile spread to her face. She didn't fail. She did fine. She got into the courses she wanted. And she was _Head Girl_.

Attached to Dumbledore's letter was the badge. The Head Girl's badge. Her badge now.

She was the Head Girl.

"I GOT IT!" She shouted gleefully. Steven yelled something back but his voice was drowned out, yet again. Lily was dashing down the stairs and running at full speed towards Steven. It didn't matter that he was completely caught off guard when Lily ran into his arms and squeezed the life out of him.

"Erm, what did you get? What was up there anyway? I thought I heard an owl?"

"I got Head Girl!" Lily whispered happily into his chest, ignoring his previous question.

"Wait, how did you find out?" Steven asked, hugging her close, though she couldn't see it, Lily was sure that there was a smile on his beautiful face.

"Letter. Mum must have left it for me yesterday. Probably didn't notice since I was with you all day." The lie fell effortlessly from her mouth as she loosened the grip around his torso. She stood on her toes and kissed a spot on his neck below his jaw, moving her hands to lightly grip his shoulders; Merlin, she was so elated at this very moment and she was getting tingles all over her body.

"Well, that's great! Congratulations! That's going to look really nice for your resume." Steven whispered huskily, his hands gripping her hip as she continued to scatter kisses along his jaw.

Right, because Lily Evans was totally excited about being Head Girl because it was something to put on her _resume_. With such an arousing thought, Lily gripped his shoulders a little tighter and giving a final kiss on his mouth before breaking away and heading towards the kitchen, Steven followed her in her rapid steps, completely oblivious to the moment that had just occurred.

Once they had entered the question, Steven spoke out loud her greatest fear. "Do you know whose Head Boy? Oh! Is it Severus?" He asked excitingly, settling down on the kitchen chair and resuming the stirring of his mix.

The egg that Lily was cracked completely broke on the skillet, the yellow ebbing into the white as Lily stared wordlessly at the mess with the potential crisis playing in her head. Well, at least Lily got to enjoy the moment for a few seconds before that thought crossed her mind.

* * *

At the start of August, Michelle, Julie and Lily got together for a sleep over at Julie's house. Julie's parents were away and so it was the perfect opportunity to have such a sleepover. Michelle was able to secure some alcohol from her parent's stash, leaving the night into drinking and watching poorly made romance movies on the VCR.

After several hours of goofing off and laughing hysterically at each other's jokes, they all settled down in Julie's room, where the topics ranged from narcissist girls like Emmeline Vance to Greta Hastings. These girls, in each story, were either sluts, bitches, or back stabbing whores. It was all great fun.

Then, the topic came upon boys and since the girls seemed to have calmed down after sharing a bottle of whatever alcohol Julie brought. Though the drink itself wasn't as strong as Firewhiskey, Lily could still feel the buzz lingering on her. The false sense of security and happiness was all over her, and she was always a little bit more open when she drank.

"So, how far have you and Mark gone Julie?" Michelle started, pulling a bottle of bright red nail polish towards her. A silence filled the room and after a minute the question was asked, Michelle made gaping noises while Lily just giggled into her pillow.

"_Julie_! When did this happen?" Michelle started, with Lily close behind her with, "Where did you guys do it?"

Julie blushed as her lips twitched into a wicked grin. "It wasn't too long ago, it was a few days ago – remember when I told you Lily that I couldn't come over when Vernon and Peutina was having their date? Yeah well, Mark was over and-"

"You did it _then?!_ Oh my god! Why didn't you say anything? I wouldn't have called so often!" Lily cried as she lifted her pillow to smack Julie. Immense guilt and embarrassment flushed through her body. To think that her friend was doing that while Lily kept trying to persuade her to come out…

They were still at the age where they felt they were grown up enough to have sex and go drinking. They pretended that it was no big deal to be doing these things (which are certainly illegal in several countries), however, when it boils down to it, they were still a bunch of kids who had little supervision. Stupid things like sex and drinking was bound to mix in. It was always going to cause gasps and raised eyebrows.

"How was it?" Michelle asked slyly, as her and Lily bombarded questions about it. Was he good? Did it hurt? Was it quick? Was he big? Was there a condom involved?

The questions went on for a while, Julie laughing with each question and burying her face in the pillow when it got to the nitty gritty details of the experience.

After a half an hour of quizzing Julie, she suddenly turned to Lily. "What about you Lils? From what Mark has heard, you haven't been the innocent one…"

Lily immediately turned scarlet, as Michelle let her jaw drop while Julie just snickered. "We haven't gotten as far as you and Mark… what have you heard?" She quietly asked Julie.

Julie's face soften for a bit, realizing that the information could have been taken several different ways. "Lils, Mark and Steven are best friends, they tell each other everything. Mark accidentally let it slipped. Honest. Steven isn't going around town saying that he's shagging you or anything like that…"

Lily let out a small sigh of relief and let the silence surround her. "Good. That had me a little worried. I mean, we're not screwing each other but… there have been a few times at his house when he… well, goes below the belt and I give him-"

Michelle immediately pounced on her, "Please don't tell me you've given him a blow-"

Lily's eyes widen, and shook her head quickly. "No, God no. I would never do that. I mean… it's fine if other people like it but I'm not at all comfortable… I mean, it's my mouth and… !"

"Well, if you truly love him…" Julie started.

"But I don't though!" Lily said exasperatedly. At once, an awkward silence filled the room. Lily realized that she let out something that she herself was afraid to admit.

Michelle's nail polish brush was lingering over the bottle as she gave a quizzical look at Lily. "You don't love him… yet you do all these things with him? Why though?" She asked, as she proceeded to put a coat of red on her toe.

Lily looked at her friends in bewilderment. "I don't need to love him to do those things. I mean, I should love him to do things like that, but honestly at this age, do we even know what love is?"

"I know I love Mark." Julie stated plainly. "I mean, I slept with him the other day because… well, I trust him a lot. And I can't imagine experiencing that type of intimacy with anyone else then him." She said, then looked at her pillow, awkwardness filled the room.

"He makes me laugh and just being with him makes me happy. He's so cute, and when we're together… he makes it feel like it's only us. He always knows exactly what to say when I'm down. And even when we fight, we always call up an hour or so after to apologize. I love him." Julie finished, as she started to play with the frays of her pillow.

Lily felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She certainly didn't see Steven as any of these things. He didn't know what to say when she was upset. If anything, he made things worse. She always felt that she was in a competition in him, and more than once she felt like she was more as a trophy then as an actual human. They didn't fight. He always told her how much he liked her, he always made sure when they were alone he'd tell her she's beautiful.

Before, these words made her blush and cause a warm tingle sweep down her body. Now, she didn't feel anything. Then, when they were kissing, he always was so polite that it made her laugh when she got home.

When her hand neared the waist band of his boxers, she often asked him if it was alright. If he wanted her to go there, and his response was always 'Yes, _please_'. Though it was sweet that he used manners in such heated moments, it drove her mad. Even worse, he'd always make sure that what he was doing to her was alright and she wasn't 'aroused enough to cloud her decisions'. She couldn't put a finger why it made her crazy. It just felt so _wrong_ to be oh-so polite and formal in moments which were supposed to be filled with passion and madness.

Lily let out a sigh and spoke out the words she thought she'd never say. "I'm going to break up with him"

At once, Michelle dropped the brush on her duvet while the first time that night, Julie let her mouth hang right open.

"No!"

"Don't do it!"

"It's just the alcohol talking-"

"It's not though! I wanted to do this for a while now…"

"Lily. Don't, you have _any_ idea how lucky you are to have him?" Michelle stared off coldly as she stared at Lily.

"Of course I do! But I just don't think that the feeling is there anymore!"

_Or ever._ She thought to herself silently as Michelle still glared at her with such intensity.

"Lily. He's sweet and kind. He's funny and smart. And he likes you and respects you! Can you name me one good reason for you to break up with him?" Michelle started, as she turned to the box of tissues to clean up her mess.

It was Lily's turned to gape at her friends. She didn't know how to say she didn't _like _him. That she didn't want to be with him. That she would rather be with her friends or her guy friends then to be with _him. _She couldn't explain the whole 'yes please' to them, because they would find her strange. She couldn't tell them anything.

"He loves you. You know that?" Julie said quietly.

"What?"

"Yeah, he loves you." Julie let out a breath of air. "He was talking to Mark the other day and I happened to overhear it. If you break up with him… you're going to really break his heart in two. Besides, it's summer romance! You'll soon be off to school and you two will be broken up by then. Besides, you only have a few weeks left. Why not humour him for a bit?"

Lily stared at wonderment at her friends. Were they really telling her to continuing going out with Steven? Even though there was nothing between them anymore? Or to begin with? But it was evident on their faces that they thought that Lily was off her rocker.

With great hesitation and reluctance, Lily spoke, "You're right. It has to be the alcohol. I like him, I'll stay with him".

Michelle and Julie gave her a tight smile before turning the subject on Michelle who was currently eyeing one of the life guards at the pool.

Lily nodded and giggled along with them, letting the dreaded thought of her and Steven together linger at the back of her mind.

* * *

Lily woke up at 6 AM the next day. A slight ache in her head and stiffness in her joints, she lifted up her head to find the rest of her friends fast asleep. The early rays of the morning were passing through the yellow curtains of the ordinary living room, giving a glowing tint to the room. Pushing herself fully off of the couch, Lily stretched out her limbs as the ache in her head turned into a slight pounding sensation. Damn alcohol. Sitting up and drawing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs while resting her chin on her knees. A small sigh escaped her lips when she realized that she had to meet up with Steven in six hours.

Why did she care what her friends said about him? Why did she care what her friends thought of her and Steven? Doesn't it matter what she thought?

Ah, but it wasn't just her friends… the thought twisted in her head as she furrowed her brows. She knew her father was a big fan of the relationship. She knew that her mother adored Steven. She knew that her mother would like nothing more than to have a huge wedding with Steven (her heart stopped at such a thought). Her mother hinted at her coming home after graduation next year. Her mother has more than once mentioned getting a 'normal' job after graduation so that Lily could be with Steven. She has suggested to Lily several times to sever the ties with the magical world so as to have a happy relationship with Steven. Much to the discomfort of Lily.

She would be lying if she didn't think the same way herself. The headlines in the wizarding newspapers were terrifying. Kidnappings, murders, and attacks. The thought of coming home to her family's house destroyed with the mark hanging over was something that kept her up at night. Running away with Steven, giving up the world of magic, moving far, far away… it was tempting. It was safe. It was an idea that was far more serious then Lily would like to admit. For fuck's sake, she is a Gryffindor after all. But perhaps she didn't need Steven to run away.

It was hard. They were the picture perfect couple that many awed and fawned over. The amount of times the couple was complimented and admired was mind boggling. Just because Steven came from a wealthy family, meant that Lily had to share some sort of lime light. There was the pressure to be picture perfect with him, to make sure no fights broke out or any scandalous news pieces. There was this horrible sense that perfection was required to be the girlfriend of Steven Fiend. Lily bit her lip at such a thought. The quiet questions and doubts in her stomach… she was hoping her friends would give her the sense of confidence to break it off with Steven. She had thought her friends would understand. But it appeared that they were just as fooled with the image that Steven and Lily created of perfection and happiness.

Turning her head from side to side to stretch out her neck, Lily mulled over her thoughts. This wasn't happiness. She wasn't happy. She was miserable. She felt as if she was trapped in a hole with weights on her feet so she couldn't climb out. She felt pressured to maintain an image so that everyone else could be happy. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of expectations. Who knew that dating in the muggle world would be so hard?

The soft ticking of her watch and the guilt in her stomach was her only source of company for an hour before her friends started to rustle about around her.

* * *

"Did you have fun last night with your friends?" Steven asked politely, as he held on tightly to Lily's hand as they were walking around the neighborhood with Steven's dog.

"I did." Lily said, guilt quickly cursing through her veins. "We mostly hung out, drank a little, and gossiped a little…" Lily said, taking a quick peek at Steven's face to see it darken.

"Ah. I forgot you're not too fond of me drinking." Lily muttered quietly under her breath.

Steven snapped, his hand squeezed Lily's quite tight. "It's so stupid! I mean people do the most ridiculous things while drinking. If I ever found you drunk, I would take you home to your parents." Steven said with such vigor that even the dog's ears shrunk back with fear.

Steven had some morals, to say the least. From conversations, Lily was under the impression that he viewed himself as the white knight who was pure at heart (except for those late nights). He thoroughly enjoyed looking down on his 'fellow students' for getting drunk on a Friday night instead of doing something to further their academic careers like studying for Chemistry. Though Lily would have liked to pretend that this was a joke (for who actually studies Chemistry in the summer, on a Friday night), it was far from it.

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Steven, we weren't in the clubs or anything wild like that. We were just relaxing. Besides, if you brought me home while I was tipsy or drunk my parents would probably never let me see you again…" Lily said in a teasing tone as she huddled closer to Steven.

"Oh boy, isn't that Severus? I haven't spoken to him in a while!" Steven said with a slight enthusiasm as he let go of Lily's hand to wave Severus over.

Lily swallowed quickly and Severus glowered while walking towards the couple. She knew for a _fact _that Severus hated Steven. Not enough to do anything dangerous but enough to be clearly annoyed at Steven.

"Hello Steven. Lily." Severus said darkly, nodding to each of them respectively.

"How's your summer been?" Steven asked, completely oblivious to Lily's fidgeting or Severus's narrowing eyes.

"It's been alright. I have been doing some work around the house and getting ready for next year." Severus replied dryly, barely containing the disgust in his voice.

Steven straighten up and puffed his chest out. He enjoyed such competitions of 'who is more productive'. It was so incredibly dumb, that Lily rolled her eyes as Steven blabbered on. "Sounds like a productive summer. I've been studying as well for the next year – getting my Chemistry into tip top form so that I can ace the class this year." Steven said boastfully. He was completely and utterly oblivious to the awkwardness that settled around the conversation.

Then, a small smirk crawled onto Severus's face. And Lily knew exactly what was coming out of Severus's mouth, but too late to prevent it.

"Chemistry, eh? Well, I know Lily is the top of our class when it comes to her Chemistry skills." Severus said in a teasing tone while Lily just blushed furiously.

Steven just looked at Lily with awe. "You never mentioned that you took Chemistry last year." He said with a slight shock in his voice.

"Right. Well, I didn't think it was a big deal. Nothing important. Besides, Severus beat me in the final exams by a few points so I really think that maybe you should talk to him about anything chemistry related." Lily fumbled with the words as Severus eyed her carefully.

"How do you know what score I got on the final exam?" He asked in genuine curiosity.

Lily gave a small smile and rolled her eyes in a teasing fashion. "Well, Slughorn did write to me to tell me that his best students were neck and neck for being the top in his class and that he was rather heart broken when I answered the third question incorrectly."

Severus' eyes widen with shock. Which was understandable considering the question had to do with poison antidotes and Lily wrote about ever antidote _except _for bezoars. Though as insignificant as the bezoar can be to anyone else it is a powerful resource against any poison. Any first year could have written a better response then Lily.

"Wow. That would explain the curt remarks made by Slughorn. I'm under the impression that he, uh, likes me less then you." Severus said politely, a small smirk tugging on his lips.

"What was the third question about? I wonder if I could have answered it…" Steven injected.

"Doubt it. As I said. Lily is one of the best Chemistry students in our year. She must have had a bad day or something during the exam." Severus quickly cut in, hardly sparing a breath to politely phrase his comment to Steven.

"Well. We better take off. But it was nice seeing you Severus." Lily said quickly, tugging on Steven's hand as they both parted ways. Lily didn't bother to look back as her and Steven walked on. If she did, she would have realized that Severus was sizing up the relationship and realizing the cowardice of Lily Evans.

* * *

Petunia was a keen observer thanks to her years of being an avid gossiper. She could tell the difference between an innocent glance and a look between lovers. She could read lips from far away. There was hardly anything that went unnoticed.

While sipping on some coffee, her wedding magazines fanned out in front of her, she was taking careful notes about the big day ahead. She annotated the magazines and jotted notes in her wedding planner notebook. Despite her planning, she noticed that outside the kitchen window, Severus Snape was walking slowly by the Evans household. For the _third _time that day. Honestly, couldn't the boy take a hint? And Petunia didn't really care that he was magical or potentially dangerous. She was the older sister of Lily Evans after all.

Taking a gulp of the cup of coffee, she abandoned her wedding plans and dashed out to the sidewalk. Severus took a backward glance at her, a glint of hope was all over his face before he realized who it was. He then tried to continue walking, as if he didn't stop before.

"Wait. Hold on." Petunia yelled out, and to her surprise, the boy did exactly that. Walking in long strides, Petunia was able to reach him and angrily crossed her arms.

"Going to the grocery store?" She asked sweetly, her head tilted to the side while Severus shuffled and scowled.

"Yes, I have to pick up some things for my mother…" He trailed off, his sentence dying when he saw the skeptical look on Petunia's face.

"Right, well, that's great but isn't this the long route?" Petunia asked pointy, Severus just looked away, his eyes fixed angrily on a crack on the sidewalk.

"You're not going to win her back by pacing in front of her house-"

"I'm not _trying _to win her back-"

"Well, good! What you did was awful! You know how sensitive she is to that sort of thing-"

"Listen. Petunia." Severus cut her off, directly facing her at this point. "I'm only going this route to make sure that your house is safe. You know as well as anybody that dark times lie ahead." He told her sternly.

Petunia pushed out the _The Daily Prophet _headlines from out of her mind. Feigning a look of nonchalant, she snorted. "Oh, Severus! Don't be so melodramatic-"

"I know that you have a subscription." Severus cut her off, a smirk sprawled across his face as the blood drained from Petunia's face. Severus knew Petunia's embarrassment and shame of not having magical blood… and her desire to be magical. It was embarrassing. But she wasn't about to let him control the conversation now.

"What are you talking about?" Petunia snapped at him.

Severus laughed, his eyes gleaming with mirth. "Oh, please. I see the two owls getting to your house every day. Your mother hates birds and your father is dreadfully awful at dealing with animals. You really expect me to believe that Lily gets two copies of the Daily Prophet every day?" Severus replied quietly.

Petunia shifted her weight from foot to foot. Now she was uncomfortable. This is why she couldn't stand Severus, it's like he made sure that she felt as humiliated as she was on that platform all those years ago.

"And so what? I want to know what's going on in my sister's life." Petunia snapped.

"Funny. I thought you despised her. Just like I do." Severus pointed out, a confident grin on his face.

Who knew that these two would have something in common?

* * *

Lily would lay awake in her bed with the latest _Daily Prohpet_ on her bed stand. Each headline filled with the latest murders and kidnaps, all of them hinting at the cause.

Her years at Hogwarts were delightful; the protection that Dumbledore gave them ensured them a safe environment. However, the protection didn't stop the dreadful news hailing continuously on them. Throughout her years, she had seen more and more of her peers retreating with their family and entering in her seventh year – she had received plenty of letters from her mates, telling her that they went into hiding with their family, and hopes that they would see each other again.

She has been advised by several to drop out. To run far away from Britain, and blend into the muggle population, as a 'mudblood' she was one of the most targeted person on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's list.

They've told her countless times to run, to forget the magic flowing through her veins. To forget the endless list of spells, to pretend that Hogwarts was nothing more than an imaginary place in her mind.

Even her parents were worried for her. They've seen _her_ newspapers. In fact, her father made it a point to read it so he could understand the gibberish that spewed out of Lily's mouth.

While he silently read the newspaper, his eyes slowly moving from row to row; her mother fretted, made tutting noises and twisted her hands in a knot. She didn't want her daughter dead. She didn't want to ever come home to see a death mark over her house. She was terrified of this world that she knew nothing about.

That was why, she was standing in the door way of her daughter's, trying to force the words out of her throat.

Lily was folding her clothes and placing her books away into the faded wooden trunk that Lily took away every year. Every year Lily took off to Hogwarts, a school that as a mother, she used to think was this magical, beautiful place. With rolling green hills and a castle fit for a fairy tale. The ghosts, bewitched paintings, spells, and potions, all seemed too good to be true. Hogwarts was the perfect place.

Now, Hogwarts is this roaring monster that takes away her daughter every year. The jinxes, the hexes, the evil Slytherins, and you-know-who all came from this school, this _Hogwarts. _

Yet, she tried to get Lily to enroll into the local school. She cried and pleaded with her daughter to stay home; but Lily is as stubborn as a mule, she would never stay home, she'd much rather fight the battle then stay at home. But there was one last trick she had up her sleeve that may just save her daughter's life.

* * *

Out of the corner of Lily's eye, she spotted her mom hovering near the door way. She let out a sigh as she continued to work on her trunk.

Soon though, she heard the padded footsteps of her mother and watched as her mother sat on the bed.

Her mother wasn't young but couldn't be considered old. Her short blonde hair was curled inwards and reached mid neck. Her green eyes were lined with 'laughter wrinkles' and her lips were thin with parentheses around them. Currently, her mother was fretting with the diamond, pearl ring that Lily's grandmother owned.

At once Lily felt her stomach sank, as she realized that her mom wasn't here to help her fold robes but to talk her out of going to Hogwarts, to home.

"Did you get your dress robes out of the basket downstairs?" Her mother asked.

Lily nodded as she placed some books on the robes she recently packed. "Yes. I did, thank you. I don't know what I would have done without all of your help" She flashed a smile towards her mother, as her mother weakly smiled back.

"So… what are you going to tell Steven?" Lily's mother said gingerly, stepping into the room and taking deliberate steps towards Lily's bed.

"Not the truth" Lily muttered, stiffening up and walking towards the laundry basket.

"How are you two going to keep in contact though? I mean, I doubt he knows how to work an owl…" Her mother trailed off as Lily froze midway of placing another load of robes.

"I… wasn't going to keep in contact… I mean, I'm going to break up with him –" Lily stammered as her mother looked at her daughter wide eyed.

"You shouldn't break up with him. He's a good boy Lily, where are you going to find another boy like him? Certainly not up at that school"

"You mean Hogwarts?" Lily said coolly as she thrust her robes in the trunk, not bothering if they were placed as neatly as the others.

Her mother's eye twitched at the mention of Hogwarts but prattled on as if Lily said nothing. "Lily, it's unreasonable to think you're going to marry someone up there… I mean, how can we trust them? How do we know that they're not a death eater or-"

"Mom! I can tell!" Lily shrilly yelled as she started to thrust more of her things in a hazard state.

"Lily! Listen to me, this war, it's getting worse and… I don't think your father and I will allow you to live in _your_ world after you graduate!" Her mother said firmly, not raising her voice nor lowering it.

Lily looked at her with shock. Her mouth was open and short gasps came in and out. She couldn't believe her ears, her mother was _threatening_ her. Her mother, her father, the very people who praised her for being magical was now trying to turn her away from this practice.

"You can't stop me" Lily said softly, the courage the she once had in her chest was suddenly gone.

"Or what? You're going to apperate? You're not seventeen, you're not legal to do any sort of magic" Lily's mother said harshly.

"Afterwards I can. I turn seventeen in the winter. I'll be able to do whatever I want then!" Lily shouted as she slammed her trunk shut.

"If you choose to remain with _that_ world, then don't consider yourself part of the family."

Lily and her mother swished their heads to where Lily's dad was, leaning against the door with his hands in his jean pockets. Complete silence enveloped Lily's room as each member was staring at one another, not daring to believe what had just happened.

"This _will_ be your last year at Hogwarts. We can't get you out of school now, it's too suspicious with all of the neighbors – they'll talk. Therefore, you're safe to go for one more year at the school. However, if you want to be considered a part of this family, then you will return to _our_ world after your seventh year. I'm sure you can magic up some papers, claiming you graduated from some prestigious school and then you can snap your wand…" Lily's father continued, as he walked the room, his hand hovering where Lily's wand lay.

Lily's chest contracted painfully. Her breaths were shallow and she could feel the pool of tears that were collecting in her eyes. She bit her bottom lip painfully as she watched her father get close to her wand and mention the very snapping of it.

Her father's face soften as he saw his daughter quivering near her trunk, at once his heart reached out to her. "Lily, we're not doing this to be mean or cruel, but because we love you. Do you understand that? We can't protect you from these Death Eaters or Demenentors without spells or wands. But we can hide you in _our_ world. That, we can do."

"You honestly think that will _work?_ We're dealing with the most powerful dark wizards of our kind here! Do you not realize that if he wants to find me he will! I mean, just because I snapped my wand- "

"Steven would help" Her father cut her off.

"What? No, he won't! I'm going to break up with him as soon-"

"After he graduates from school, his father is offering him a position in his company. Pretty high up actually. Would require a lot of traveling, Voldemort wouldn't want to try find a witch like you in… Switzerland now, would he?" Her father finished off.

Lily stood dumbfounded with the information that kept getting hurled at her.

She wanted the magic. She wanted her freedom. She wanted the ability to travel and not be tied down. She wanted the excitement that would not be satisfied in a mundane muggle life. She didn't want a future with Steven.

Steven, with his self centered and polite ways. His formal questions, a future with him would be a perfect scenario. One, with a house on a hill, with a view on the lake and the mountains, little kids running about, cook books open to make the perfect meal, cleaning after her children and husband, satisfying everyone's needs except her own. The perfect future for the house maker, the perfect family with the darling kids; the perfect scenario for everyone but Lily.

But she wanted to stay with her family, she wanted to send letters to her mom and receive care packages. She wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle. She wanted her mother there when she needed help with the baby. She wanted her family apart of her life.

Even if it meant she had to give up something in return. Even if it meant she had to keep Steven. Even if it meant destroying herself in the process, revamping everything about her, changing her needs her desires so that they would fit in this perfect scenario.

"Okay" Lily whispered hoarsely, as her parents left the room.

* * *

Petunia was a major bitch. Lily could write an entire novel of why her sister was the spawn of the devil himself. Yet, at times, the jealousy and the hatred died down for brief moments. The sisters had an inexplicably ability to come together at times of crisis.

"I can't believe it."

"Neither can I" Petunia whispered hoarsely. They were sitting on the floor of Lily's room, back against the bed with Petunia's arm around Lily's body. Lily was sniffling and sobbing all over her sister's t-shirt; but she figured she wouldn't mind this one time.

"It's my whole life Petunia."

"It may kill you. And us! You've got to think about the rest of the family Lily." Petunia said sternly.

Lily just laughed. "How can I protect you if I don't have a wand? Or go to school to learn everything possible? Petunia, we're dealing with _magic_ this other side, this Voldemort guy has terrible, dark magic. He cannot be defeated with mere guns." Lily said stubbornly.

"Well, _The Daily Prophet _is hinting that a lot of muggle-borns are going into hiding…" Petunia trailed off.

Lily smiled to herself. "Glad to know you still read the newspaper."

Petunia shrugged, "I steal your whenever I get the chance. Mom and dad usually grab it after me."

"Well, that makes sense why they're scared out of their minds."

Petunia looked down at her sister, a sense of pity was written all over her face.

"Lily, we just want what's best for you. This is the only way we know how to protect you. This Voldemort guy isn't going to find you in Switzerland and as far as for us? Well, we don't live in a flashy neighborhood, hopefully he goes for other places."

"You're taking a chance. For you to be safe we'd have to _all _move."

Petunia shrugged. "Not necessarily. _The Daily Prophet_ is reporting that majority of the attacks are occurring when the muggle-born is at home or to complete and total muggle strangers in the street. Sure there has been some break-ins in Muggle homes – but Severus lives in this neighborhood."

"He's a bad person Petunia. I think he's going over to the other side." Lily said quietly, tearing a part the tissue in her hand.

"I know. You told me. But you don't get it. Severus still looks at you the same way he did as a kid. He may have called you mudblood but he would never actually hurt you. Or your family. He knows if he plays a move on us, then whatever happened between you two would truly be dead. He's still got hope."

"How do you know this? I haven't seen him in ages." Lily said, something strange getting caught in her throat as she further fidgeted with the tissue in her hand.

Peutnia just started laughing. "You can't be that blind. Haven't you seen the say he stares at daggers at Steven in the grocery store? He walks pass this house a lot and he claims it is because it is on the way to the bus stop…"

"You talk to him? I thought you hated him!"

Petunia frowned at this. "Hate is an awfully strong word. I don't like what he called you but… There's something still there. I wouldn't worry about him Lily."

"Don't worry. I'm not wasting any breath on that stupid git." Lily mumbled darkly under her breath.

Petunia just took a huge sigh. "Look, this isn't over. You still have a choice. A horrible choice no doubt. But you still have it. You just need to figure what life you're willing to live with. One without the family, possibly throwing all of us in mortal peril, and you dying within a few years or… one with the whole family and you tolerating Steven. The choice is yours."

"If only it was that simple." Lily whispered, as her and her sister sat in silence as the sky started to darken.

* * *

After a long conversation with Petunia, Lily decided to go to bed. At least, that's what she told her sister. She kissed Petunia goodnight, thanked her for her time, and then shut the door quietly.

She stuffed the bed with pillows to make it like her sleeping figure before heading towards the window. The dark night offered no winds, so Lily left behind her sweater and shimmed out of the window into her lawn.

Taking quick steps, she hurried out to the side walk and wondered to the abandoned playground. Crickets were chirping around her as she took a seat on one of the swings. Her eyes looking up to the stars as she gently swayed on the swing. She was done with the crying and done with the talking and done with the thinking. All she could feel now was the numbness of the situation and she could suddenly appreciate the beauty of the sky. She could have stayed staring at the sky for hours, until a voice startled her out of her trance.

"Haven't seen you here in a while." Severus Snape said softly. He wasn't standing too far from Lily's swing, his hands shoved in his pocket while he slouched a bit, distorting the shadows that covered his face.

Lily took a deep breath as she watched Severus gingerly walk towards the swing, as if nervous she would hex him.

Lily's lips twisted in a grimace. She hated that she was best friends with him. She knows his every movement. She could tell what he was thinking by the twitch of his lips. She knew the significance of every movement. And he knew all of hers. It was horrible.

"I'm underage you know. Couldn't hurt you." Lily said quietly, wondering why on Earth she was talking back to him. Her eyes followed him as he sat on the swing, his feet touching the ground as he held onto the swing with both of his arms wrapped around the chains.

"As am I." Severus replied, swinging his legs around and refusing to look into Lily's curious gaze.

"We both know that you've got someone looking out for you if you perform underage magic though." Lily said bitterly, turning her head away as Severus snapped his head up, his guilt was etched on his face.

"Not necessarily." He said, turning his face away from her.

Lily just rolled her eyes. Did he really think she was that _thick? _"Whatever. I guess if you were going to hurt me you would have done it a while ago." Lily said nastily, leaning back on the swing.

Severus just let out a sigh, which was Severus' way of letting Lily know, 'As if I would hurt you.'

"I am a muggleborn after all…" Lily said, trailing off in a sing song voice. Not even worried that she responded to his non-verbal cue. Not even caring anymore as she started to slowly swing on her seat. She heard a rattling of chains from his end and exasperated sigh.

"You're just as powerful as a pureblood. Look, it doesn't matter; it doesn't matter to me at least." Severus said quickly tumbling over his words and staring fiercely at Lily.

Lily snorted and shook her head in mocking manner before turning to Severus. Her smile was fake and failed to reach her eyes. "That's because we were friends. What about the other muggleborns? What would your friends do if they knew that you were talking to me?" Lily snapped angrily at him.

Severus just raised his eyebrows and spoke calmly; he knew better then to match Lily's words with fire. "What would your friends do if they knew you were talking to me? I wasn't the one that ended the friendship." He said quietly.

Lily slammed her feet down on the gravel, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the chains. "But you did! You called me a-"

"And I apologized for that a million times. For Merlin's sake, I even waited outside of the Gryffindor common room until you bothered to come check on me." Severus nearly yelled, his lips turned into a snarl as he angled his body to face Lily.

Lily let go of the chains and crossed her arms before uncrossing them. Her right hand went straight to her head as she started to furiously twist her hair with her fingers. She bitterly thought that it certainly wasn't the only reason why she ended her friendship with Severus. It was more nerves then actual anger at this point.

Severus let out a short breath before standing up from his swing and walking towards hers. "Look, I know you had other reasons for not being friends with me at school. I get it. Just, we're here now in no-man's land and it just seems fitting that you're here after some giant fight with your sister or parents. At the exact same time that I escaped my house for similar reasons." Snape said quietly, stopping a little bit in front of her.

Lily glanced at him, a small, somewhat forced, smile on her lips. Despite the fights, they still knew each other pretty darn well. They had named the playground 'no-man's land' after a series of underage magic adventures (pre-Hogwarts) and some muggle adventures as well. It was a place for them to be both muggle and magical. Therefore, no-man's land. It didn't belong to the muggles or the magical.

They both found themselves at this place after terrible blow outs with their families or fights with friends. It was their place to just relax and cool down after a series of fights. It seems that old habits die hard.

"Was it your dad again?" Lily asked hesitantly, wondering if she was even allowed to ask.

Severus let out another sigh, a quieter one. "Isn't it always? The prick walked in drunk. Yelled a lot of things. Tried throwing things. Figured I should leave before another explosion of some sort occurred." Severus said quietly, eyes still on the ground.

"What about you?" Severus asked back, crossing his arms over his chest as one of his feet started to draw semi circles in the gravel, making crackling noises as the heat hummed on.

Lily inhaled deeply, wondering how much to give away. "A fight with the parents. Both of them. They don't necessarily want me to go back to Hogwarts. They feel like it's too dangerous." Lily said, feeling like leaving out Steven.

Severus gave her a bewildered look. "But – you're perfectly safe at Hogwarts. There's Dumbledore."

"But Voldemort's friends are in the castle." Lily said, trying to avert her eyes from Severus' guilty look.

"I wouldn't do anything against you because of that." Severus whispered.

Lily just snorted and rolled her eyes. What was she doing with him anyways? Sensing her uneasiness, Severus quickly blurted out, "I wouldn't let them hurt you because of your blood."

"You're not that powerful. I know you mean well, but there's only so much a wizard can do against a crowd." Lily replied, leaning forwards on her seat.

Severus let out a huff of breath, a sign he didn't want to agree with her despite believing what she just said.

"Right. Well. At least if you want to escape you have Steven." He replied bitterly. "Though I doubt you like him half as much as he likes you." He hurled out quickly.

Lily stopped her swing with her shoes, making a crunching noise against the rocks. "Excuse me? You have no right to say such a thing and you have no idea how I feel about him-"

"Oh please! Lily! I've known you since you were eleven – you don't think I know you well enough to know when you like someone or not? For one, you wouldn't have that 'please kill me now' look on your face when he talks about studying or you wouldn't be so conservative with your hugs and you certainly would look him in the eye instead of his forehead or something." Severus ranted angrily, jutting over in front of Lily's swing and grabbing hold of the chains.

"I know you enough that I know you would despise someone like Steven. His arrogance, his flashing money, and certainly his bragging about his smarts. He's more intolerable than Potter. So please don't insult my intelligence and don't waste your breath defending your pathetic relationship." Severus snapped angrily, as Lily's face drained of color.

Was she so obvious? She thought as she bit her lip.

"So what? What's it to you anyways? We may be going through a rough patch but we're going to get through it-"

"Merlin! Are you even listening to yourself? What's it to me? Well, nothing really! If you want to run away with him – be my guest! With your talent down the drain, well the magical world will certainly be losing an asset to the war."

"Oh my god, are you listening to yourself? War? You're openly admitting your side!"

"At least I have a side Lily! Whatever happened to the Gryffindor in you? I liked her better than the _Slytherin_ I have standing before me." Severus bit back, Lily's jaw dropping to the floor.

"You know what side I'm on. Or do you not remember fifth year?" Lily snapped quickly, her temper flaring.

Severus sneered at her from his place. "Of course I do. But I know you. I know your family. I know how your mother and father think. Don't think I don't know what this fight was about."

"What are you doing, stalking me?"

"No. I'm telling the truth and you're lying to me."

"So what if I lie to you?"

"I was under the impression it was against the rules of no-man's land. I was telling the truth about my father-"

"You gave vague details. Also against the rules."

"Oh, right. Let me just tell you the lines of insults he fed me tonight. You see, he mixed it up with some oldies while spitting out some new ones. There was the 'You pathetic, no good son'. Oh, and here's one that you would like, 'You oily creep-"

"That's enough!" Lily said quickly, standing up quickly and placing her hands on his shoulder. Severus was breathing heavily while looking down.

There was a twinge of guilt in her heart. She may have had issues with Severus, but it was hard to remember them in no-man's land. When all she was confronted with were the same fears and problems from six years ago.

It didn't feel so long ago that her own parents were scared of magic and were refusing her to Hogwarts. It wasn't so long ago that Severus ran away from home to escape the abusiveness of his step-father. Problems, that were supposed to be gone by seventh year reared it's ugly head again.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have prompted you." Lily said quietly, finally finding the courage to look at Severus face.

"And I shouldn't have insulted your boyfriend. Or you for that matter." Severus said, letting go of the chains.

"Merlin. Who would have thought we'd be here before our 7th year. Feels like it's still the summer before the 1st year." Lily muttered.

Severus held a smile on his face. "Some things never change I guess."

Lily heaved a sigh and broke away from Severus. Wondering over to the apparatus that held the slide and monkey bars together. She sat on the steps and waited for Severus to come on over.

"But they have. And it's scary. I mean, you're with… them and I'm with the other side. Have you ever thought that we might be fighting against each other?" Lily asked quickly.

Severus tucked his hair behind his ears. A give away of his guilt. He hadn't thought of that.

"I'd fight someone else." He answered after a while.

"You'd still hurt me." Lily raised her eyebrows and tucked her hands in her pocket.

"Maybe I'll have poor aim then." Severus said, shrugging his shoulders.

"You can't do that all the time-" Lily said, shaking her head.

"I'll figure it out if and when I get there." Severus snapped. "And maybe I won't have to worry about it." Snape said quietly, a too hopeful of a tone.

"It's getting late-"

"Please stay." Severus pleaded, grabbing Lily's arm.

She looked at him in shock; it wasn't like him to do something like this. Severus fidgeted in his seat before plowing on. "I get it. In school, we'll have to be nasty to each other. We'll bicker and duel and hurt one another because this is what the war is doing to us. There is no no-man's land at Hogwarts. We only have our friends that have actively fought against our friendship since 1st year. I know we've taken different paths, but Merlin, I'm glad to see you here tonight."

Lily looked away, her lips turned into a frown while her eyebrows were furrowed. She missed this. She missed Severus' all too brutal honesty. She missed the friendship but could not ignore who he became at school.

"I'm glad to see you too." Lily said quietly, leaning back to look at the stars. Severus following suit.

"Heard you got Head Girl. Congratulations. Glad it wasn't Melissa." He said in a teasing tone.

Lily laughed. "She's in your house! And your fellow prefect!"

"Yeah, but she's so dull and annoying and has a stick so far up her arse. No, she'd make a terrible Head Girl." Severus said lightly.

Lily just smirked, she once had a patrol with Melissa. It was unbelievable how boring she was as a person.

"She wouldn't be that bad. I still have to find out who's my fellow Head Boy."

"I haven't heard from anybody who it is… certainly not me. Haven't heard much from anybody about the Head Boy. It must be a non-prefect."

"Dumbledore wouldn't do that!" Lily asked scandalized.

"Oh yes he would. He's an absolute mad hatter he is. Besides, he does it ever few years if he feels like the non-prefect would do an excellent job. Which is total bullocks."

"Ugh. I don't even want to think about it. I'll just be surprised when I get on the train tomorrow." Lily said, rubbing her hands on her face.

Severus laughed. "Let's hope it's no one too terrible. Or at least a Head Boy that can keep up with you."

Lily just rolled her eyes and looked at the stars. Severus started to point out some of the astronomy while Lily piped in whenever she could. They stayed out there for two hours before they both realized that they had to get home at some point. They parted ways and promised to uphold the no-man's rules: Never breathe a word that was spoken that night.

Which made it easier the next day for Lily and Severus to pretend that neither one existed the next day at King's Cross.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Reviews are pleasant and constructive criticisms are always the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **The Perfect Consequence  
**Author:** Nesma  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Harry Potter – all that should be credited towards J.K. Rowling  
**Author's Note:** This chapter went through _so _many revisions. It's much shorter than originally planned and it's not my favorite but I cannot sit on it much longer. I hope you enjoy it. Also, I created a Tumblr for fun. If you're interested, I'm nesmaunderthestairs dot tumblr dot com. Hope to see you there! Enjoy!

* * *

Lily, unsurprisingly, was early for King's Cross. She told her parents that she had to be early due to a change in the schedule (lie) and that she had to wrinkle out details with the new Head Boy (half a lie). Plus, she _liked _being early (truth).

While others may enjoy the adrenaline that one gets when rushing to class or running through the barrier; Lily liked the nervous butterflies that live in her stomach. She thoroughly liked imagining the events that would take place while waiting for them to happen. The quiet calm before the storm was something that Lily loved; observing the clouds and feeling the wind pick up speed, well, she liked predicting how the scene would shift while there. And right now, that meant going into the Heads' compartments.

There was hardly a_ soul _on the train which was hardly shocking. Pulling out her wand, Lily levitated the trunk on board and navigated through the narrow corridors into the Heads' compartment. Holding her breath, she opened the doors to find disappointment. She had half expected to see whoever the Head Boy to be lounging around on the couches. Biting her lip, she pushed her uneasiness away and changed into her robes and stored her trunk away.

Though the compartment was larger than the others on the train, it still had traditional seating of a train which meant that there was never enough room for every prefect. Rolling up her sleeves, Lily started to wordlessly summon chairs and placing temporary sticking charms for them to stay to the ground and not wobble about when the train started to move.

By the time Lily was done with her tasks, she had only wasted fifteen minutes which meant that her fellow Head Boy only had thirty minutes to show up before being considered late. Trying to push her nerves and qualms about the Head Boy, Lily decided to pull out a book from her trunk to distract herself.

Yet, only nine minutes had passed when she heard the scrambling of feet and panting of breath outside of the compartment. Putting her book to the side, Lily tilted her head as Remus Lupin heaved the doors open.

Cheeks flushed, robes carelessly thrown on, and flustered eyes; Lily was more than confused. Though Remus was similar to Lily about being early, he found Lily's desire to be nearly a half an hour or fifteen minutes early absolutely insane. He preferred the five to ten minute window of being early to something. Being twenty-one minutes early was uncharacteristic.

"Remus-"

"Hi." He said panting as he wondered over to the chair and collapsed, his eyes shut lazily as his arms were placed behind his head. "I have a message." He said ominously as his breathing slowed down.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Oh?" She said quizzically, her pointer finger going straight to her hair and twisting a strand around.

"I have a message. From the new Head Boy. Or rather, I have something to say on his behalf since he never passed it along as a message-"

"You know who the new Head Boy is?" Lily asked, her heart thumping as she quickly moved to a chair in front of Remus.

"Uh, well, 'know' can be a subjective term-"

"And you didn't tell me! Remus! I asked you months ago in my letters!"

"Well, you technically only asked me once when I didn't know who it was-"

"You know the code!" Lily shrieked, her eyes blazing and fists forming to her side. Remus winced, his eyes screwing even more shut at the very mention of 'the code.'

'The Code' was a bit of an exaggeration on Lily's part. While she imagined as cool as a pirate's code, everyone else regarded it to be lame and just common curtsy. There were times when the selection of Heads was not obvious. But, at least _one _prefect knew who owed it to everyone else to spread the names. It was 'the code' in Lily's mind, something to be honored and not thrown to the side. Remus, often scoffed when Lily discussed the code, finding it ridiculous and stupid which was incredibly infuriating at this very moment since Remus _knew _the Head Boy and Lily didn't.

"Yes. Well. I was bound by another set of rules not to say who it is-"

"Who is it?" Lily asked, completely ignoring Remus' comment. Popping up from her chair, she started to pace around as Remus cracked his eyes open and followed her movements cautiously.

"I mean, I know it's not Snape. And I know it's not you, which leaves Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. And I while I thought that for a while that it was Michael Abbott from Hufflepuff, there is no way that you two are close enough for him to spill. Plus, your friends in Hufflepuff are quite small since the Cream Puff incident-"

"Lily-"

"Which means," Lily prowled on, absolutely giddy with the possibility of confirming the mysterious Head Boy. "That it _has _to be Richard Firth." Lily turned to Remus, her face in a huge smile as she plopped down in the chair before him and completely ignoring the look of alarm and worry on Remus' face. "I'm right, aren't I?" Lily asked, leaning forwards on the chair while Remus scouted away.

"Well, as I said, I cannot say-" Remus trailed, looking away from Lily's face as Lily leaned back with a smile.

"It's him. Isn't it? Just say yes! Put me out of my misery of trying to rack my brains who it is-" Lily said feverishly.

"I-I cannot tell you who it is but I can tell you that it's an unexpected candidate." Remus stumbled; sweat beads were now forming on his forehead as he checked his watch.

Lily frowned. The conversation from last night with Severus was starting to nag at her stomach.

"Are you saying, I mean, are you implying that it's a non-prefect this year?" Lily asked calmly as Remus' eyes opened in surprise. He nodded his head slowly as Lily started to bite her bottom lip.

"And it's someone that you know. Someone that you're close to." Lily continued, watching Remus avoid her eyes and stare determinedly at the ground.

"I _really _can't say. I just came to say that he'll be late."

"Late." Lily repeated, her eyes narrowing. "Late by whose standards?" Lily asked. Lily's definition of 'late' was being on time to something. There was no time to prepare or fix any social faux-pas (being over dressed, underdressed, a snag in the outfit, etc). And therefore, on-time was late. Lily realized that she was a bit neurotic when it came to time and meetings.

Remus shut his eyes again as one of his hands moved to his face. "Normal people's standards. But he'll _only _be five to ten minutes late. Maybe fifteen if things are going really bad." Remus said as Lily sucked in her breath.

"And you know this person. Quite well. Which means… is it Marauder?"

Remus quick breath intake and scratching of his nose was an obvious yes. Lily moved her hands to the back of the chair and gripped tightly. Her jaw slightly unhinged as she slowly started to panic.

She only had 14 minutes now to get the truth out of Remus.

"And it's not you. For sure. You swear?" Lily asked as Remus nodded his head with each of Lily's questions.

Things were not looking good. "Is it… Peter?" She asked slowly. Remus answered immediately.

"I _really_ can't say-"

"It's not Peter then." Lily said, as a slight weight was lifted before it came slamming back since it meant that it was between Sirius or James. And that was absurd.

"There is no way that it's Sirius."

"Lily-"

And that's when she started to laugh. Really laugh, a maniacal sound was laced around her joyous laughter. And while Remus thought she was crazy, Lily thought it was appropriate. It was brilliant really, clutching her stomach as her laughter subsided into giggles as Remus regarded with a bit of fright in his face.

"Why, why are you laughing?" Remus asked hesitantly as Lily's giggles were silenced by his petrified face.

"I mean, Remus, it can't be _James Potter. _That's just-that's just…" Lily trailed off as Remus paused. The split second before he opened his mouth to deny or whatever he was planning on saying gave him away.

"_No." _Lily said, hoarsely.

"Lily-"

"You're joking."

"Look, I really came to say he'll be late-"

"James Potter is Head Boy. And he's going to be late to the _very _first meeting of the whole bloody year?" Lily said quietly, her knuckles turning white as Remus' eyes went to where her wand was stashed.

"Well, to be fair-"

"This is _the most _important meeting of the year and he's going to be bloody late?!" Lily said shrilly, as Remus took a glance at the door. The bustling of students was growing louder.

"He's not that bad Lily-"

"He's always going to be late, isn't he?" Lily accused him, her hands started to wring themselves around.

"I trained him." Remus said quickly, leaning forward on his chair and taking a quick look at the door. "Okay? He knows how the first meeting goes down. He gets the whole sign-up sheet debacle and he's got a _brilliant _plan to solve it. He's got ideas that will be great and _not _blow up the school. I have made him swear on his entire collection of dungbombs _not _to deduct a million or so points from Severus because of his nose or breathing-"

"Remus-"

"No. Listen. I swear. He's got it down." Remus said quickly, grasping Lily's shoulders. "He went mental and made _flashcards_ for this job. He _will _be a great Head Boy. I _promise _you." Remus said, squeezing his hands a bit while Lily just stared wordlessly back at him.

"Flashcards?"

Remus nodded. "Flashcards. But, uh, today he may not be the _best _Head Boy-"

"What do you mean?"

Remus stared at her before swallowing loudly. "I mean. Well, today is a rough day for him. You know, with all the nerves that come with the job so I think, today will be the day that he's the worst Head Boy _ever."_ Remus said quickly as Lily's anger was pulsing through her veins.

"Are you fucking kidding me-"

But it was at that moment that nervous fifth years started wondering into the compartments. Their badges were glittering as the sun hit them from the window. Lily threw a dirty look at an apologetic looking Remus before wondering to the new Prefects (a Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw) and started talking to them.

One Head has to do the job.

* * *

"My name is James Potter, Gryffindor and your new Head Boy"

Lily covered half of her face with her hand as she stared glumly at the ground. True to Remus' word, he was _fifteen _minutes late. That boy. And here he was, the bloody new Head Boy. Lily heard Dumbledore was mad, but this was just insane.

"My name is Lily Evans, Gryffindor and your new Head Girl." In a voice that was highly cheerful; it sounded so fake to Lily's ears. "Alright everyone, I just want to say congratulations to all of you. Prefect is prestigious role that teachers only give out to those who they feel are capable of leading their year" Lily stated coolly as she heard snickers throughout the cabin.

"Though I'd like to assume that everyone had a wonderful summer, I realized that some of you have been affected by the crimes that have been occurring in England"

At this, several of the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws bowed their head in respect, while the Slytherins exchanged smirks with each other. Lily felt her lip twitch for a moment, while at the corner of her eye, she saw Potter's face darken.

_He better not try anything… that stupid git. _She thought bitterly to herself.

"Which leads us to our first order of business" James stated loudly, while shuffling through some parchment. "Rounds. Each of you will sign up for the first month. For this month, the experienced prefects will sign up for a slot and then the first time prefects will sign up for a slot with the experienced prefects. Some of the older prefects will be paired with someone from the previous years. Oh, and different houses have to be paired together." James rambled while showing the bewitched parchment that he showed Lily only seconds before the meeting.

"I _know_ they are a hassle and a pain, but we have to do it to ensure the safety of our school. Besides, you will _not_ be alone. You will have at least two other prefects with you and a teacher with you at all times. But we need to figure out quickly who is going to doing what nights and with who" James said and silence filled the room.

Soon though, a fifth year Slytherin boy stepped forward. His hair was dark black and his skin was an olive color. His hazel eyes boldly stared at the Head Boy and Girl and a smirk was playing on his lips.

"Jacob Abduneur, Slytherin, fifth year and I'd love to take a few of the night rounds." He smiled as the Slytherins around him laughed openly.

A few uncomfortable shuffles filled the room as Lily quickly began to panic. Though it was wrong for the faculty and Prefects to stereotype and to listen to the rumours being thrown about, some pretty nasty stories about Abduneur's father has reached plenty ears of the Hogwarts students.

"Absolutely not" James said boldly, while writing something down on his pad. Whispers and gasps followed and the smirks on the Slytherins' face only grew. Lily quickly grabbed James arm and whispered harshly in his ear, "What do you think you're doing".

"Trust me." James said as he unleashed himself from the grasp of Lily.

"Why not?" Jacob said hotly.

It was only then did James turn himself to fully look Jacob in the eye.

"Jacob, it would be quite reckless if Lily and I allowed you and your Slytherin friends to patrol the halls at night-" James started to rattle before Jacob cut him off.

"What? Head Boy and Girl have prejudices against Slytherins? Think we're all Death Eaters who follow the Dark Lord? Think that we're going to raid the school?" Jacob asked, with a smirk on his lips while the non-Slytherin Prefects gave him dirty looks or swore under their breaths.

While Lily was sweating and twisting her hands, and prayed to god that something reasonable would spit out of her mouth, James just stood in front of Jacob with his hands in his pockets and smile on his lips.

"Jacob, there clearly has been a misunderstanding here. I'm not worried_ about_ _you_ causing destruction to the school or putting any of the students in harms way – after all, you're only a fifth year, you don't have enough magic to cause any real danger. But I'm more concerned _for_ _you_."

It was Jacob's turn to be surprised, as he pointed to himself and quietly said, "Me?"

At this, James' smile only grew, "Yes. You. After all, Lily and I have a responsibility to watch over you, to make sure that you're all are safe. Right?"

"R-Right" Jacob stammered.

"Anyway, Jacob, though I don't believe the rumours or the articles in The Prophet, I'm sure there are some people who do. And these rumours… well if they're true, your father has caused a lot of distress for some of the students. And some students don't use logic to make a decision, they use their emotions. How do you think they'll react if they find out you're patrolling the halls at night?"

"I've heard people talk about you Jacob, I've heard some of the most gruesome revenge plans. So for your own safety, I'd rather if you and the Slytherin house take the day patrols with some of the teachers – it's perfectly understandable, right?"

Silence followed. Jacob gapped at James and Lily was just as surprised. Everyone just gave the old, 'we'll finalize the plans with the teachers' or something lame to escape the awkward Slytherin situation. Yet here, James somehow regain control of that situation.

Jacob just nodded and rejoined his friends who had their jaws set and threw dirty looks to James. For once, it wasn't the Slytherins who were controlling the meetings, it was at last, the Head Boy and Girl. Something that hasn't happened since the rise of Voldemort.

James just beamed out to the group, as if nothing had happened, "Alright then, any other volunteers?"

After the last prefect filed out of the compartment, Lily and James started to clean up. Lily kept sneaking looks at James as he silently picked up the papers and candy wrappers that littered the floor.

Honestly, she was shocked that he didn't pull out his wand for Jacob. She was surprised that he had the courage to shot Jacob down in a reasonable way.

It wasn't long though before he caught Lily looking at him. With an irritable tone, James asked, "What is it Lily? Did I mess up?"

Lily stammered a bit before telling the truth. "You… you didn't fall for the Slytherins' trick. You thought quick on your feet – a feat that not a lot of Head Boys have been able to do these past few years."

James snorted, "I thought a Head Boy was supposed to have courage and stand up for the students?" He said gruffly.

Lily rolled her eyes and angrily puffed out air. Did _Potter_ not realize the dangers of today? Was he oblivious to the world around him? Did mommy and daddy shelter him from the monsters at night?

"Of course. But do you remember Diggory? The year he became Head Boy… nearly all of his family on his mother's side was brutally murdered by Vignesh Patel. Of course, Patel claimed he did nothing wrong and when his kid came to Hogwarts as a Prefect… Diggory couldn't threaten him because his family was continuing to receive threats…" Lily rambled on as she continued to find endless candy wrappers strewed around the floors. How much did these kids eat?

James nodded along, "If he said anything to Vignesh, his family would suffer."

Lily let out a sigh of a relief, a smile playing on her lips. The satisfaction of being right, and to James Potter no less, lead to a swell of confidence. "Exactly"

"And if he didn't say anything, his family would have still suffered." James said bitterly as he threw the last piece of parchment in the garbage.

Lily turned around and place her hand on her hip. Biting down hard on her bottom lip as she angrily looked onto James. "Wha- No! No, that wouldn't happen." She sputtered before James retaliated.

"Oh really? Are you just acting? Or are you really this stupid?" He asked mincingly as he approached her.

Lily felt her jaw drop before retorting quickly.

"I read the papers Pot-"

"You read the _The Daily Prophet_ and the muggle papers that get delivered. Right?" James spat out as his own mouth twisted into a sneer. "_The Prophet_ is losing control over what they can print, so whatever you're reading is the abridged version. The Muggle papers delivered in England barely cover the world news and at this point in time, Voldemort is hiding low enough that it's difficult to tell what's magic and gas explosions."

"It's still the news! It's not as if I'm going out there like some ditz who goes around and goes, 'I'm a mudblood!'" Lily yelled as she threw her arms up in the air, her cheeks quickly coloring to a crimson.

"It's still the wrong news Lily! It's still missing pieces." James took a deep breath before plowing on. "Voldemort, is a brilliant dark wizard. He knows how to take advantage of people. He's not reaching out to only the Dark Wizards in England. He's searching for followers all over the world. He's going to places where the country is crumbling to bits; but the Muggle newspapers barely cover the news of a third-world country and Voldemort can gather up followers quietly."

Lily could hear the train move nosily on the tracks while the green scenery flew past her. She could feel Potter's eyes bore down on her as she continued to bite her bottom lip. Potter and his world views. What did he know?

"Either way, what goes on in the rest of the world has nothing and I mean nothing to do with Diggory's family. Diggory did the right thing by shutting up and keeping a low profile. He got his family time - "

"Wrong" James said lazily as he took a seat.

Lily stared at him incredulously, her jaw falling open _yet again_. "Would you just shut up for one minute! Christ!" She exclaimed as her hands formed ready fists.

"Look! Can't you see Diggory did the right thing?! I mean, it's his life! His family's life! There things far more important then dying to save your pride or ego.." Lily growled out while pacing the room.

At once James' mouth turned into a snarl as he jumped back up from his seat. Strutting towards Lily, who was dead frozen in her spot, until he was merely inches away from her face.

"Are you even a Gryffindor?! Dying for a cause! Dying for your family! Dying to ensure that your own kids won't have to endure the life filled with terrors and death! Even dying to save the defenseless muggles on your street is worth it!" James nearly shouted into her ear, his spit hitting her face.

Lily stared back at James, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones. His breathing was labored and with a quick peek down she noticed his own hands were balled into fists.

"And what about living Potter? Keeping your head low to ensure that your kids grow up with a set of parents instead of as an orphan?" She said softly, contrasting his yelling tone from earlier.

James pulled away from her, stepping back warily. His face, that was composed of such anger and hatred earlier only showed disgust.

"Dumbledore's right. We sort too early. If we had waited a few more years, you would have been clearly been sorted into Slytherin with _Sevy_." James said in a bitter, sarcastic tone that cut Lily's skin like a knife.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, to throw something nasty his way. But the words got caught in her throat and she wasn't even sure she had words to say anyway. It didn't take long for James to realize that as he strode out of the room – and when Lily saw the last of his robe disappear; something in her mind snapped as she strode towards the door.

Finding herself in the corridor of the train, completely oblivious to the gossiping students and open compartments, Lily let her rage take over while her brain was shut off.

"You don't know ANYTHING! You stupid, arrogant prick who thinks he can just shoot off his mouth whenever it fucking pleases him! You have _no_ right to say _anything_ about me when you don't even know me Potter!"

Students quickly stopped talking and gaped at Lily. Others turned to James to see his own reaction. Instead of angrily lashing out or pulling out his wand, James casually leaned across the compartment doors and smirked at Lily.

"Lily. If you expect me to actually work with you this year – then at least have the decency of using my name. I realize that you're a little behind with certain readings and such, but just in case you forgot it – it's James. And I'd appreciate it if you actually used it instead of resorting to angrily snapping my surname."

With that, he let out a hearty laugh before pulling open the compartment door, where the voices of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew came billowing out. James quickly entered and shut the door, leaving Lily fuming with white rage.

Lily let out a strangled growl before turning to the prefects compartment door. Grabbing onto the ledge she slammed it shut with such a force that the thud bounced off the walls while the glass shattered.

The students around started whispering and giggling. Lily could hear their pathetic voices float through her ears as she stared at the broken glass at her feet. Hastily pulling out her wand, she swished her wand forcefully – causing the broken shards to float into one piece again. She then turned her attention on the students around her who went immediately silent under her wrath.

"Get back to your compartments. The train will be arriving within an hour or two to Hogwarts. I suggest you change into your robes."

With that, she turned on her heel as she marched to the compartment where her friends were at. It was certainly going to be a long year.

* * *

"You did _what?_"

"The glass actually _shattered?!"_

Lily groaned as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She had just spent the last half an hour retelling her friends the disastrous meeting.

"I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn't let him get under my skin. But God! James bloody Potter is _Head Boy!_ I have to work with this prick for the rest of the year! And he thinks I'm this stupid git – "

"You're one of the top witches in our class" Alice said sympathetically as she placed a hand on Lily's arm.

"Doesn't matter! He still thinks I'm an idiot! Shit Alice! He thinks I should be in _Slytherin_! Do I look like a Slytherin? A murder? A Death Eater?!" Lily almost shrieked before burying her head into her knees again.

Alice, Marlene and Amelia sucked in their breaths as the watched Lily fall apart.

Marlene nervously fingered her curly dark brown hair as she whispered to Lily, "Did he really say that? You? In Slytherin?"

Amelia rolled her brown eyes at Marlene. "Lily! He's being stupid! I mean, really now, you in Slytherin? I doubt you've ever been nasty to anyone in your life. You let Severus go pretty lightly, even though he called you a mud-"

"He was a friend!" Lily bitterly snapped at Amelia. "I wasn't about to tell him to go fuck himself! I've know him since I was ten! I trusted him! Clearly I was wrong-"

"But you're not capable of doing what Severus does! You don't go brooding in dark corners, scribbling notes into your potions book or making nasty spells…" Amelia said as she started to pull her robes from her trunk.

Lily nodded her head as she took in a shaky breath. "Right. You're totally right. Let's not talk about Potter. Let's talk about something else… Alice, I heard you made some progress on Frank." Lily said, grinning brightly as Alice flushed.

"It's nothing. We just… sent lots of letters to each other." Alice mumbled while pretending to be intrigued by the stitching on her jeans. Marlene playfully slapped her, "That's not all! Tell Lily what happened on the train!"

"It's nothing-"

"Nothing?" Amelia scoffed before launching into the story where Frank had nervously asked Alice to go for a walk around the lake after the first day of classes. Suggesting that maybe afterwards they can retire to the come and go room.

Lily gasped and laughed at Alice who was blushing furiously. "Alice! Lucky girl! Well, congratulations!"

Alice mumbled a 'thanks' under her breath before turning onto Lily. A smirk lingering on her face, "But I hear I'm not the only one who's gotten lucky…"

This time, Lily blushed furiously. She mentally scolded herself for telling so much to Alice. While Alice was trustworthy and wouldn't dare spill a secret to anyone – she wasn't skilled in the 'discreet' department.

Amelia and Marlene laughed at Lily. "Steven? Oh Alice, we already know the woes of Lily."

Amelia mimicked a high pitched voice as she recited. "Steven is perfect! He's smart, funny, and cute… and a pretty good kisser!" She laughed hysterically near the end, causing Lily to twitch. Did she really write that? About _Steven?_

The boy who had lips that only seemed to know two places on her body? Her lips and chest? The boy who thinks it's hilarious to make jokes about Physics and science? The boy who had too long of a nose and too short of hair that made him look ten? She really used the adjectives smart, funny, cute, and good kisser?

Marlene followed suit, "Oh Marlene! Steven was really sweet today! He brought me some flowers, we went for a romantic walk in the park and then we went back to his place…" Shrieks came from Marlene as Lily slapped her playfully.

Lily could feel her cheeks stretching from the fake smiling she did and her stomach was twisting nervously. Her heart seemed to pick up the pace and her breathing felt labored, as if someone was sitting on her chest. Her brain sped dizzily as she tried to focus on the words her friends were saying.

The very name brought images of muggle homes and dinner parties and screaming kids while Lily grin and bear it. Her future, her perfect future with the love of her life.

Nodding along with her friends, she whispered, "Yeah, things are going great between him and I." And with that, she numbly pulled out the photos of her and Steven, and showed them off to her friends while her mind was somewhere else.

* * *

It was a sunny day, a lazy day in July. Walking hand in hand in the park near by, passing the trees and the benches that littered the area. Lily listened carefully with every step what Steven had to say.

"It's just, ridiculous what the school is demanding of me. You know? As if I had nothing else to do, they load us up with all of these pointless summer readings. When will I ever need to use analytical skills to figure out what Shakespeare was saying? It will never be a part of my future – and the fact that I have to actually take the stupid class is pointless. I mean, it's not that hard to do. It's nothing… practical like Math or science for example."

Lily nodded along, stealing quick looks of Steven. They've only been dating for a few weeks, but she liked how he had strong goals. She also liked the fact that he was… self-confident, to say the least.

"I'm sorry, I'm talking too much. But don't you agree? English and History are just a waste of time? What boring summer reading do you have to do? I don't think you've told me. " He said, turning towards her with a smile that caused Lily's stomach to do a little flip.

Well, Lily thought that Diventation and Muggle Studies were pointless. But she had a strong intuition that those weren't courses offered a lot at muggle schools.

"Oh, well, I have to agree with everything you're saying." As if she read a word of Shakespeare. "But um, I don't have summer reading." Lily mumbled.

"What?"

"Uh, yeah. My school realized that it was pointless to hand out summer reading since no one did it anyways." Lily lied lamely.

Steven let out a sigh. "I wish my school was like that. You're so lucky, I wish I went to your school. Instead, I'm going to school with all o these idiots that don't know anything. I mean, I pretty much sleep in class and I get perfect grades on all of the tests, but they find everything so hard. It's… stupid."

Lily frowned, was he showing off or was he being honest? And what was she supposed to say?

"Well, that… does sound bad." Lily started. "And I can relate where you're coming from, I mean, in ch-chemistry, I seem to pick things up way better then my friends. But, you just have to work your way through it, gives you stamina, and it will ultimately make you look better when you have to apply to schools and such." Lily finished, mentally kicking herself for almost saying, 'charms' instead of 'chemistry'.

All of a sudden, Lily found herself pressed up against a tree as Steven's lips were all over hers. Complying, she opened her mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Steven detached himself from her, and whispered hoarsely in her ear, "You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?" Then he tugged her along the trail again and talking about which universities were right for him.

Along this walk, Lily felt a dead weight in her stomach as she listened to him talk, no boasted, about himself. A dead weight hung from her heart as she stared at him. She felt detached and unemotional. She felt silly for talking about these things, she felt stupid for trying to be a part of this world.

Could she really relate to this boy?

* * *

"First years! This way!" James yelled out, as a pack of new Gryffindors followed him. Giggling and smiling, the young new faces looked awestruck at the moving paintings and shrieked when the stair cases moved under their feet.

"It's nice to see how excited they are, isn't it?" Remus whispered to Lily, as they brought up the rear of the pack.

Lily stole a quick look from Remus before nodding quietly, a smile lingering on her lips from the combination of dinner and the reuniting with her friends.

"It certainly is, hard to imagine we were that small once, huh?" Lily whispered back, smiling broadly now as she eyed the small girls and boys that trailed behind James.

Remus let out a sigh. "Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about James-"

"Save your breath. That's one person I'd rather not talk about." Lily said coolly.

"Listen" Remus said harshly, as he grabbed the forearm of Lily, forcing her to face Remus.

"Let _go_ of me" hissed Lily, as she yanked her arm out of his grasp. She took a quickened pace as he followed her.

"Lily. I just want to talk to you about the fight you two had-"

"What's there to say?" Lily said, as she stopped suddenly on the stairs. She quickly glanced up as the remaining pairs of boys and girls followed James. There was no need for her to follow them any longer.

"Look, what he said to you was horrible but he's not had an easy week. I'm not going to say much more then that but there is a reason behind his outburst. Just, go easy on him, will you?"

Lily threw her head back and let out sarcastic laugher. _James_ had a bad week? What? Did mommy and daddy not give him his favorite ice cream? Did he not get the broomstick he wanted?

"So what?" Lily asked, as she continued her climb of stairs.

"Excuse me?"

"So. What. He's had a rough week, haven't we all? It's no excuse to yell at people, insult them or shout horrible names for the whole fucking train to hear-"

"I'm not excusing his actions! I'm just… trying to put things into context! He acted like a prat, I admit that, and the way he … expressed his anger was terrible-"

"Terrible?" Lily asked incuriously. "It was awful! He told me I should be in _Slytherin_ with _Severus._ I'm not like them! He insulted my intelligence."

"I understand that Lily! Everyone thinks he was off his rocker! Look, have you ever had the most god-awful week. Where no matter what you did, you got it wrong? That you were so completely powerless to change your circumstances, that you had to watch everything, and I mean _everything,_ crash and burn at your very feet? And then, at once, there is this innocent bystander – who had absolutely nothing to do with the crash, yet, he gets the blame for just being there? Because that's the week James is having. It's a poor excuse for his actions but it's his only one." Remus said angrily, leaning against the railing as Lily stared down on him.

Lily could feel her hand tremble, and she placed it on the failing for support. She quickly glanced her head up as her eyes darted around the ceiling.

Did she know that feeling? Hell, she was practically the _queen_ of that feeling. Yet, giving compassion to James, felt so wrong.

"_You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?"_

Lily squeezed her eyes tightly, shutting out the sunny summer day, pushing out that _voice_ that followed her everywhere and reminded her of everything.

"I'll see what I can do." Lily said breathlessly. Before turning away and skipping up the stairs.

She suddenly found herself in an empty corridor, leaning against the wall, mentally cursing herself for being so… _stupid._ Was she _really _going to be the pushover who's nice just because someone asked her?

* * *

Lily was wondering through her house, searching for her yellow blouse. She was certain that Petunia stole it for her 'big date' with her Vernon. Yet, parading the launder room and took a quick search in Petunia's room, she had no luck in finding yellow blouse.

She quickly weighed the pros and cons of asking Petunia for the blouse, on one hand, Petunia would shriek for about a billion years and then give back the blouse; and then Petunia would give the silent treatment to compensate for her banshee like shrieks. Lily stole a glance at the clock; it was only an hour before her date with Steven.

One of her last dates with him, the day after tomorrow she was off towards Hogwarts. Away from him, her family, and her muggle friends. Yet, it was important that she looked 'pretty' for him and that she treated him 'nicely' as her mom hinted earlier that day. Lily was just off to go downstairs to see if her sister was on the phone when she heard voices coming from her mother's room.

"… And then, he blew up on me! Screaming that he was right and that he would not tolerate my attitude!" An angry snarl soon followed and Lily immediately noticed that it was the voice of her darling sister. Lily was always up to hear juicy stories about Victor.

She quietly tip toed near the room, sliding up against the wall so that her sister wouldn't see her…

"Lily! Darling, is that you? Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for Steven?" Her mom cried out as she opened the door to find Lily plastered against the wall, her lips twisted into a guilty smile.

"Yeah, but I'm looking for my-"

"Never mind, come in here, what I'm about to tell Tuney will be important for you to hear too." Her mother said quickly, as she pulled Lily into the room.

Lily awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, her arms crossed over her chest as Tuney shot nasty looks through her blood shot eyes, sniffing every so often. Lily hesitantly sat cross legged on the floor, while Tuney blew into the handkerchief she was holding.

Their mother quietly shut the door and quickly walked over to her girls as she sat on the bed with Tuney.

"You can't always be so… smart around your husband." Their mom started, as Tuney and Lily shared looks of confusion.

"Mother, what are you saying? This is the 70's! It's not exactly the 50's…"

"Believe me, your life will be easier if you just let your men win the fight. And if he is wrong, switch the argument in such a way that he gets the right answer without losing his pride." The mother stated harshly, as she creased out the wrinkles in her dress. "It's the only way to be happy in a marriage; it's the only way to have any power in a marriage…"

"Mother! Do you even realize what you're saying? Tricking your husband is not power… that's weak. You have to be assertive. Tuney has every right to stand up to Vernon and tell him that he's wrong!" Lily barked out.

"Lily. Listen for me, for once in your stubborn life, _listen to me!_" Their mother yelled out, with such venom and volume, that the two girls did nothing but shut their mouth. They just stared at their mother fearfully as their mother took deep breaths and stared down at her girls.

"I've sacrificed a lot for this family. There were battles that I didn't bother fighting with your dad, there were times where I didn't voice my beliefs or changed my opinions to match your father's. It sounds horrible; I know women are getting more rights. But that doesn't change the dynamics in a marriage, a family. How many times have you two been a fight and realized it would have been better to have stayed quiet? Being in a marriage requires that you're… dominant. You have to mold to your husband's likening. And if there's children involved – then it's not about you anymore. Not even close."

Lily had a hard time taking everything in. She had a hard time believing that this was coming from her mother's mouth, and she couldn't calm her stomach from making the knots and twists; she could practically taste the bile in the back of her throat. She looked at her sister for support, but found to her horror that she was nodding along silently, as the tears streaked down her face.

"Our lives, are reduced to nothing then household chores and looking good for your husband. Your lives will be like mine, filled with dirty dishes, full diapers and plenty of dinner parties. But it all leads to the ultimate goal – a happy family. Who wouldn't want that?" The mother said calmly. A dreamy look passed her face and Lily could hardly believe that this was the women who raised her.

Lily didn't want dirty dishes, she didn't want household chores, and she didn't want to be planning out Steven's dinner parties. She wanted a life, she wanted excitement, she wanted passion, she wanted magic, and she desired for everything that her mother was against. And she hardly doubt, that a 'happy family' would satisfy her, if she hated her husband and was forced to look after _his _bratty kids.

"I'll call him, apologize." Petunia said weakly, as she stood from the bed, trembling as she made her way to the door. Just as she reached the doorway, she said quietly. "Your blouse is drying outside, it should be done." Then, she left the room and padded down the stairs.

Lily left the room hastily and brushed the tears from her face. Her future was thrown in front of her in surround system and crisp images. It scared her more then anything, her heart pounding and she was breathing heavily as she pulled the blouse from the drying rack and hurrying up the stairs.

Shutting her door quietly when she would have rather slammed it, she leaned over her bed as her breaths came out in wheezes. Tears prickling her eyes.

The only comfort she had, was knowing that Petunia felt the same way. At least Lily wasn't completely alone in her doomed fate.

* * *

Hours after the happy feast and sobering speech from Dumbledore, Lily's feet were marching straight to the portrait hole for the Heads' common room.

"You're late."

Lily sighed angrily as she approached the Head's Common Room. Of course James was going to be there on time, of course he was going to rub it in her face.

_Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. _She thought bitterly to herself, as she James through the portrait door.

The Head's Common Room was just meeting place where all of the prefects and Heads can gather and have meetings. The room had had a blazing fire, a coffee table (easily removable if anything) and couches and arm chairs littered around. Then, there were cabinets that held parchments, quills and whatever else they would need for a meeting.

Lily and James awkwardly seated themselves from across one another.

"Alright, so, we just need to send off the schedules to Dumbledore and the heads of the houses. Then, we do rounds and come back here to fill out any forms of trouble making. Any questions?" Lily said tiredly, as she started making duplicates of the schedules.

"Nope, want to borrow my owl though?" James offered.

Lily was about to make a remark about the lack of owl, before she heard a distinctive hoot and a tapping from the window. Breathing deeply through her nose, she smiled sweetly, "Thanks. That would be great."

Opening the window, Lily was plesently surprised to find a white, snowy owl swoop into the room. The owl stood on the arm chair and waited patiently as Lily tied the papers to it's leg.

"Beautiful owl. What is it called?"

"Hedwig."

Lily wrinkled in brow as she attempted to double knot the papers. "Hedwig… the name sounds familiar…"

"It's from _Hogwarts: A History_.I didn't know what to call her, so I found the biggest book in the house, opened it to a random page, and pointed down to find the name 'Hedwig'."

"James – I hate to break it to you, but _Hogwarts: A History_ is hardly considered 'huge'"

"When you're eleven Lily, everything is huge." James said bitterly, not noticing the sarcasm laced in Lily's voiced.

Lily rolled her eyes as Hedwig flew off. _Fine. _She thought menacingly to herself, as she watched the owl disappear into a small dot.

"Let's go, we only have an hour tonight but I would like to get it down with." James said bossily, as he walked out the portrait hole – not waiting for Lily to catch up.

Huffing, Lily walked out of the portrait hole and made sure she went the opposite direction as James, hoping that their paths won't cross.

* * *

Walking around the castle, going up and down the stairs did good for Lily. It enabled her to clear her mind and not focus on James or Steven.

Though it was always nice when there were no sneaking students or weird hexes being thrown about, Lily wished that she had found someone – just so she would have the perfect excuse to yell and be nasty to someone else. However, she was out of luck and clambered through the portrait hole an hour later.

A few seconds after she collapsed into one of the arm chairs, James entered the common room only a few seconds later.

"Any trouble?" Lily asked wearily, as James plopped down opposite of her.

James scowled before answering, "No. No trouble makers but Flich had a hard time believing that I'm Head Boy and had to take me up to Dumbledore's office for verification. That took a good fifteen minutes." He leaned back before, and for a second there was only the crackling of the fire.

"You?"

Lily cracked an eye open, not even realizing that she was falling asleep. He looked just as tired as she was. He had bags under his eyes, his glasses askew, his tie was undone and his robe was falling off his shoulder.

Something thundered horribly in Lily's heart as she took this image of James in her mind. Biting her lip, she quietly said, "Nope. Quiet night."

Again, a silence filled the room. Awkward silence this time, it was obvious that they were making conversation for the sake of it. It was clear that they were tip toeing around each other to avoid another catastrophe. Lily got out of her arm chair, and mumbled a good night under her breath.

"Lily."

She turned around to where James was still sitting. An elbow was propped up on his knee, as his right hand was massaging the temples; his glasses lay on the edge of the table.

"I – I'm sorry of how I acted today. It wasn't your fault. Just been a rough few weeks." James muttered.

For a split second, Lily wanted to throw the apology back into his face. Scream at him and swear at him, throw all of her anger on to him. She wanted him to know all of the hatred that was stored in her, she wanted him to realize that she was so much more then what he made her out to be. She wanted him to hate himself as much as she hated herself at that very moment.

But it was the look of _distress_ in his appearance. It was the sincerity in his voice and the nervousness in his face that snapped away her anger. And while Lily hadn't completely forgiven him for his words and actions earlier today, it was certainly a start.

"Okay." Lily said quietly, staring at James before walking numbly to the portrait door. Not realizing that James hadn't followed her and didn't return to Gryffindor rooms for hours to come.

* * *

**A/N:** Reviews are always welcome! Until next time!


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